Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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