I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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