I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
