I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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