you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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