i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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