the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
kristin has been a bad kristin
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I just found a bag of teeth...
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
