she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
