God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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