my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
try to milk me bitch
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
