So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
