Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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