i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
