Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Randomize
