ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
