Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
