The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?