She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole