glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Dating After Heartbreak
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.