The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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