Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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