you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I want her autograph on my taint
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
