honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
