Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
