you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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