We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
