dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
