1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
