this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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