I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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