nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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