when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
