So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
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It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
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i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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