If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
