I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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