I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
