you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
