i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
