ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize