you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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