The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
