Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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