I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
