I bet he comes in French.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
