two words: eviction party
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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