Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
it hurts more in the daytime
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
