I didn't shave. On purpose
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
