You really coming over, don't trick.
I'm gonna have a badass scar
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
