fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
