Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i wish my penis had a tongue
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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