I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Well I just put wine in my tea
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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