I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
