I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
