apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
