this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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