if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
