Umm I'm too high to move.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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