....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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