I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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