He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Randomize
