i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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