plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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