A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
