Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
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