Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
