Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Be still, my beating vagina.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
