umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
