also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize