That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
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