I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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