he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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