yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
