Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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