Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Randomize
