So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
too bad you live with your parents still
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
