We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
