Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
