fuck your aforementioned shoe
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
