my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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