Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
