you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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