Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
