I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
