I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You were trust falling into bushes
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize