I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
tell me about the eggs
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
