happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
