yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
